ՆԻԿՈԼ ՓԱՇԻՆՅԱՆ. ԵՐԿՐԻ ՀԱԿԱՌԱԿ ԿՈՂՄԸ
48. viva Cuba
Սեսիլի հետ իմ շփումները մեծ հաշվով չգերազանցեցին օդանավում կողք կողքի նստած մարդկանց հարաբերություններին: Ճիշտ է, հայտնի դեպքից հետո մենք բացատրվեցինք, երբեմն իրար հետ սուրճ ու ալկոհոլ էինք խմում եւ, կարելի է ասել, բարեկամացանք: Բայց մի օր, երբ մենք խմել էինք, ու նա խոստովանեց, թե իմ գլխին ինչ օյին էր ուզում բերել, դրանից հետո մի տեսակ չէր ստացվում խոսելու ընդհանուր նյութ գտնել, նա իր արածի համար էր ամաչում, ես` իմ: Շառլի հերթական ներկայացման հաջորդ օրը, սակայն, մենք զրուցեցինք այդ մարդու մասին: Սեսիլին ասացի, որ ինձ թվում է` նա ուղղակի խաղ է անում, այսպես ասած` «կայֆ է բռնում» շրջապատի վրա, նա ուղղակի ուզում է հաղթահարել կյանքի ունայնության, անիմաստության իր զգացողությունը:
The Other side of the world - Nikol Pashinyan
48. Viva Cuba
The relationship between Cecile and me didn’t evolve into anything more than that between two people who sat side by side on the plane. It’s true that after that incident we had come to understand each other, sometimes we had coffee or drinks, and, one might say, we got to be friends. But one day, when we had had a few drinks, she confessed that she had wanted to trick me. After that, it was hard to find ordinary themes to talk about. She was ashamed of what she had done, and I was ashamed of what I had done. The day after the presentation Charles had given, we talked about that guy. I told Cecile that I thought he was playing games with people around him and that his real purpose was to overcome his feelings about the emptiness of life and its futility:
“Do you think life is meaningless?” asked Cecile in surprise.
“What I said was that Charles had come to that conclusion, and I can understand it. If you don’t love someone, you don’t love and you feel that you never will, then life becomes meaningless. It’s obvious that Charles is like that. I’m telling you, he’ll commit suicide. You say he’s a millionaire, but as much as I could gather, he doesn’t even work. That’s unusual for a millionaire. I mean, it’s obvious that the man is at a dead end.”
That’s how our conversation ended. I was soon to notice, however, that Cecile was interested in Charles. The next day I saw her around noon having coffee with Charles and the mulatta. Cecile was happy, vital. It also seemed that the mulatta was being pushed out. It was obvious that she wouldn’t last more than 4 or 5 days. But if Cecile replaced her, Charles may have to reconsider his whole philosophy on life. This would probably be the most sensational event of my stay here, and worthy of any front page. I wasn’t convinced, though, that what I was seeing was the reality. But I was convinced very soon. The mulatta left as suddenly as she had appeared. This was expected, but logically, her place would be taken by a redhead or a black. Yet nothing like that could be seen on the horizon. Nothing had changed from the outside, Charles continued to relate with Cecile with tenderness. If earlier her father, Raymond, was the center of Charles’s relationship, now it was Cecile. This wasn’t so obvious yet, except, for the time being, by people like me who were waiting for the ship leaving for Japan. Besides the fact that the relationship between Charles and Cecile was not visible, that made it even more possible that their relationship would develop as a serious scenario. I was really happy for Charles. Maybe it was the first time in his life that he had met someone whom he won’t be able to take to bed for a long time or at all, unless he loved her. Was Cecile in love? That young girl, who had been disgusted with Charles for his humiliating treatment of women, now felt some sympathy for him, at the very least. Maybe Cecile understood that it wasn’t the fickle women who were humiliated but it was Charles himself, who was unhappy, who in his life had never met a woman who would give meaning and content to life.
An interesting drama was developing right before my eyes and I was hoping that the ship to Japan would be delayed until I could see the prospect of how the knot would be undone. Within a few days the intimacy between Charles and Cecile had become more obvious. In the evenings, they preferred to walk on the beach, rather than be at the festivities going on in the hotel. Charles, of course, was an experienced man and he made sure that he and Cecile would be visible during some of the evening festivities. I think he did it for two reasons: first, so that Raymond would notice their intimacy and second, for him to understand that he, Charles, wasn’t just going to take advantage of her. And of course, the next important issue of this whole story was how Raymond was going to react to the intimacy between his friend, well known for his relationship with prostitutes, and his only daughter, a recent graduate of the university, the beautiful and intelligent Cecile.
In the evenings, I hung around Raymond. Charles and Cecile were often absent from the scene. But I was interested in Raymond. After the intimacy of Charles and Cecile became noticeable, Raymond was visibly concerned. It’s true that even before that he hadn’t been much for mingling with the crowd, but now, he seemed to have withdrawn. I kept waiting for some kind of sharp reaction but nothing like that ever happened. Rather, I could see that his concerns were ebbing and very soon he returned to his earlier condition. I was constantly trying to figure out what the reason for that behavior might be, and wondered if he wasn’t enraged by the intimacy between Charles and Cecile. It was clear that he wasn’t enraged.
There could be a few reasons for this. First, I thought, he trusted his daughter and was sure that she wouldn’t become a plaything. I felt that he trusted Charles. They were, after all, long time friends and Raymond was sure that he wouldn’t disgrace their friendship.
Anyway, after a short period of agitation, Raymond calmed down. But you could tell from the way he looked that he had started having hopes and the hopes of settling down in his own personal life. One was directly connected with the other. If the relationship between Charles and Cecile continued, which would be only in case they got serious, everything would end up in a marriage, the marriage between Cecile and Charles. There was nothing wrong about having Charles as a son in law. It’s true he was an older man, but if he decided to get married, if that happened, it would mean that he would be dealing with a different Charles, a new man. And Cecile would marry him or would get serious about him only if she were convinced, really convinced, that she wouldn’t find herself in the position of the mulatta. That girl had too much dignity to act any other way. So, what ded it all have to do with Raymond?
The connection could be that in the event of such a development, he would finally have the chance to be free of Elise, and other Elises. I already mentioned that Raymond wasn’t the kind of person who would take his relationship with Elise seriously enough to make it a way of life. Maybe he didn’t allow himself to love anyone. The possibility was great that his marriage would make Cecile uneasy; Cecile would have difficulty accepting any woman to replace her mother. But if Cecile had her own life, Raymond would have a chance to have a real family, an aspiration shared by every normal man.
Anyway, I came to this conclusion after a lot of thought and study, a conclusion that was based on much nuanced observations and proofs—a reaction, a smile, a complaint. It pained me that I couldn’t talk about the psychological knots and the situation in general with these people and see to what extent my guesses and analyses were correct.
That the relationship between Charles and Cecile was growing exponentially was quite obvious. Even the expression on Charles’ face had changed. Once, when we were sitting side by side, I sensed that the feminine perfume had disappeared from his cologne, although you couldn’t smell Cecile’s perfume on him. I was engrossed in these dramatic developments, although I didn’t discuss them, and couldn’t discuss them, with any of the participants of that drama. I may have been able to question Cecile a little, but I didn’t want to poke into peoples’ feelings; besides, she was with Charles the whole day.
Finally Julio came and brought me news that were inappropriate for that moment: the Argentinean ship leaving for Japan had arrived at port, and the captain had said that he had space for 4 people. I gave Julio my passport so that they would look into it and to see whether I had a visa or not. My documents were okay. The ship was to stay in Havana for two days, which passed very quickly. I said goodbye to Raymond, Elise, Charles and Cecile. The latter approached me and kissed me. “Now Charles will understand what life is about,” I whispered into her ear.
(to be continued)
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